NaNoWriMo

The tradition is, when starting a new business, that you take the first dollar you ever earn and frame it, and display it near your cash register for good luck. Lisa had to throw out her very first customer.

The Sun and Moon Coffee and Tea shop opened for its first day of business promptly at eight a.m. Monday morning. It was a gray, windy day, and the first person through the door was a homeless man, who explained that he only had fifty cents, and could she possibly help him out?

“Of course,” Lisa sighed. Not that she had much direct experience with his type, but he appeared to her to be at least forty, dressed in an unkempt flannel jacket, but not too dirty, and thank God he didn’t stink. She filled him the largest cup she had, and pointed out the sugar and creamer tray on the next counter, and he carefully counted out a quarter, two dimes and a nickel and thanked her profusely, and called God’s and Jesus’ blessings down upon her.

It wasn’t a large shop, but it still looked a bit empty to her. Two walls lined with shelves, the north one held many different coffees and teas; the south one cups, mugs, kettles, utensils, fancy gizmos and gift items. Two small tables in the front window, with their own cream and sugar dispensers, and the morning paper she had brought from home. A magazine rack in the center, freshly stocked with titles the vendor assured her were popular. The local health department was still having issues, so the pastry counter she stood behind was bare, save for a small bouquet of flowers that Barbara had suggested made it seem less pathetic.

She watched the man surreptitiously pocket a few extra packets of creamer from the tray, and began to worry if she had been too nice to him. What if he comes in every day, now? And behind it she became aware of a nagging guilt – she had spent almost eight thousand dollars so far on the shop, and she hadn’t earned a penny of it; her grandmother had left it to her when she had died during the past summer. But for the grace of gram, there goes me, she thought. The man was blowing on the coffee and warming his hands on the cup.

Not that she had been in dire straits before. Living the life of a perennial student at the age of 25, taking part time jobs for spending money, living with mom and complaining about minor things. All that had changed a few months ago. Gram hadn’t said a word to anyone, but she knew her health was failing rapidly, and she made sure her affairs were in order. She once hinted that she might pay for Lisa’s tuition costs, if the girl would guarantee at least a “B” average. But she hadn’t actually put any limits on what the money could be used for. What she had done was write Lisa a letter. A three page letter that spelled out all the things that she regretted about her life. There was not a single phrase, and Lisa had read the letter over and over again, that hinted that Lisa had disappointed her so far. But it was as blatant as a slap in the face.

The upshot was, Lisa now had her own apartment, her own brand-new business, and enough money to live on for about two years, if she didn’t overdo it. She stared longingly out the window and sighed again. Barbara had promised to come in this morning. But she was, for all intents and purposes, a rich girl now. And the man in her shop couldn’t afford a cup of coffee. It made her very uncomfortable. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the man holding a chrome tea strainer, examining it, and did a double-take when she saw the shelves.

How could he have moved so fast! she wondered. Missing from the perfectly squared and pristine display were two coffee cups, a refrigerator magnet or two, and a paperback book on English High Teas.

“Put those back right now!” she blurted, as she rounded out from behind the counter. The man looked very apologetic, and mumbled soothing phrases as he carefully put back the tea strainer he was holding. “And the rest of it. Do you think I’m stupid,” she raged? You’re my first customer, my first customer ever, and I haven’t sold a single thing yet!” Hot anger burned away all traces of guilt.

The man backed away a bit, holding his hands open and mumbling protestations of innocence. “You’ve got the chrome travel mug that goes there, she pointed, and the little kitten mug that goes there, and you messed up my display of magnets – give ‘em back!” The guy was backing toward the door nervously now, looking around, and it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps he might be dangerous – he was looking quite a bit like a cornered animal at the moment. She stopped dead, stood with her hands on her hips for a moment, furiously, before whirling around and stalking toward the phone on the wall.

As she grabbed it and turned again, she saw the man snatch a little glass suncatcher as he fled out the door. She slammed the phone down again and rushed after, hoping to see which direction he went, and caught a glimpse of him as he streaked down the sidewalk to an alleyway and disappeared.

She returned to her spot behind the counter, fuming. Makes me wonder why I bother. Her hands still shook, and she made a cup of green tea to calm herself down. I should have expected that. I’m way too nice sometimes. As the emotions drained out of her, she noticed a definite chill in the air, and she held the cup up to warm her hands in mock tribute. Okay, no more homeless. Talk to Greg and see what I can do about it. Greg was a friend, a paralegal whom she’d dated a couple times, and whose job involved looking up exact wording on legal codes and the like. He’d know what sign she needed to post before she could go after them with a baseball bat.

The anger stayed with her the rest of the day, but it was quiet for the next few hours. An older gentleman became her first real customer, purchasing coffee and a magazine. He always passed this way in the mornings, he mentioned, and if she could manage to sell the morning paper, it would save him a good many steps. She promised to look into that, and decided that the first dollar bill to touch her hand was the one that counted. She slipped it into the little frame she had bought at the discount store, making the plain old Santa Fe business license displayed there a little more interesting.

Barbara arrived just after noon, and the total was at fifteen dollars and change; she had sold a pound of ground coffee and two more cups to three different people. Barbara felt it was probably the weather. “Keeps people home, you know. We’re all weather wimps in New Mexico. Just bad luck, it’ll pick up.” Lisa hadn’t meant to say anything, but Barbara was her best friend, and the story spilled out with little prompting.

“My God,” Barbara reflected when she finished, “The economy must really be as bad as they say, for something like that to happen your first day.”

“Yeah,” Lisa replied sarcastically, “only an idiot would open a store right now …” and she held up her hands to stop Barbara’s rebuttal. “I know, I know, positive attitude and all that …” It was a familiar subject these past few months.

“Damn straight. Your rent is great because there’s so much vacancy, the sign painters practically worked for free, you got a great deal from the alarm people … always look for the silver lining.”

“And I’m blessed with such cheerful friends,” Lisa added, smiling despite herself. “I had to buy pizza and beer for the painters,” she added.

“So? Art students are still cheaper than professionals.” She thought a moment. “Look at it this way. The guy did you a favor. Now you know you should keep the expensive stuff away from the door. Move those coffee grinders closer to the back, here. And you might not want to have them all out on display like that. Keep ‘em stashed in back until you sell the one on display.” Barbara worked in a video store, and had all sorts of advice on the subject.

“I know. But the shelves look so bare right now. Maybe I could take the grinders out of the boxes, and just leave the box on the shelf? It’ll look better when I get more stuff in.”

“Has that cute delivery guy been back again?” Barbara asked. The UPS delivery truck had been driven by the same guy twice last week, and he was cute, but he wasn’t Lisa’s type.

“Not yet. Maybe today. Are you seriously thinking about him? I mean, you don’t know a thing about him.”

“I’m thinking of you, girl. A man’s the final thing you need to make a complete turnaround.” She continued on over Lisa’s protests. “And if you don’t, I’ll ask him out myself. He’s gorgeous. Even if he’s dumb as a brick, he’ll still be easy on the eyes for a night or two.”

Lisa bowed her head and rubbed her temple in a symbol of long-suffering patience. “You know I’m too busy right now,” she started, but the other woman overrode her again.

“Nope, nuh-uh. You’ve done all the hard work already. All you have now is a regular job with a little more paperwork than you’re used to. Granted, it’s your own business, but now that it’s up and running, you have time to get the rest of your life back on track. And what better way to do that than starting a new romance?”

“But I don’t even know the guy! And he’s probably married anyway. And no way am I going to make a fool out of myself until I get to know him better”

“Think of it this way, it’ll get things jump-started. You can find out quick, and see if it’ll work. I’ll even do a double with you, if you feel that uncomfortable. I own Rick a dinner, at least, and I can pay him back at the same time.”

Lisa was all set to reject the idea completely when a new customer walked in, an elderly woman with a scarf over her hair to protect it from the wind, and Barbara broke off the conversation and browsed about to allow Lisa to work.

Lisa took the respite, and called brightly to the woman. “Hello! Welcome to my opening day. Is there anything in particular I can help you with?”

The woman smiled and said “No, not just yet, thanks. Let me look around a bit first. I want to see what you’ve got.”

Lisa smiled back. “Take all the time you like. If you don’t see something, I might be able to order it. I’m still waiting on a few things that should’ve arrived last week, but they should be here soon.” And then Barbara motioned out the window, where a big UPS track was just entering the parking lot. “Speak of the devil,” Lisa muttered, and shot a look of warning at her friend.

Barbara just grinned, not dissuaded a bit. Maybe he won’t deliver here, Lisa thought. Maybe it’s another driver this time.

But it was inevitable. It was indeed the cute guy, and he headed straight for them, carrying two small packages. As the door opened, a cold chill swept in, making Lisa shiver behind the counter. As the man walked toward her, Barbara edged casually closer.

“Got two for you today,” he said as he set them on the counter and pulled out his scanner. “One’s from Guatemala,” he added as he manipulated the board with little taps and beeps.

“Oh good, I’ve been worried about that one,” Lisa said, happy to be distracted. I’ve never ordered directly from them before.” She looked at the box, which had ‘Café Libre-Gama’ cheaply stenciled on the side. “It’s organic coffee sold through a fair-trade group of farmers that actually get most of the profits. I’m told they save the best beans for their own brand, here.”

“That’s interesting – sign here – I’ve heard about that. But it’s expensive, right? If they cut out all the big companies, why does it cost so much more?” Lisa signed her name and handed the board back.

“Most of it still comes through coffee distributors here in the states. And they say that it’s done by such small operations, that it takes a lot more to get it to market.” Lisa smiled a bit smugly here. “But I found a collective that sells directly. I think I’ll be able to make this stuff affordable, even given the prices you UPS guys charge.” Not on this batch, though. She had rushed delivery to make it by the Grand Opening. Second-day air freight from Central America was over forty dollars a pound.

“Do you drink much coffee?” Barbara asked him sweetly, from right beside them. “I’m sure Lisa would be glad to give you a freshly-brewed sample.” Lisa struggled to keep alarm and embarrassment from her face; luckily he turned to her friend.

“I love coffee, but my supervisor won’t let us take anything into the trucks. He’s says the company once had to pay an insurance settlement, so they banned all liquids forever.” He turned back to Lisa. “No cup holders either. But I might be back this weekend. I didn’t notice on your sign, are you open Sunday?”

“Not at the moment,” Lisa studied the packages, because she didn’t dare look up. Oh God, I just know I’m bright red right now, she thought. “But if there’s enough demand we might.”

“I’m sure she’d be happy to open up for you anytime,” her friend said. Oh My GOD, Lisa cringed, She actually said that with a straight face! She hid her face in her hands and didn’t dare look. “Are you free for dinner anytime soon?” Barbara added.

“Actually,” he hedged, looking back and forth between them, “I take night classes …”

“Oh, go on,” the older lady chimed in. “Make it next weekend, then. She’s obviously got a thing for you already.” She came up on his other side so he was trapped. “In fact, if I were a few decades younger I’d ask for myself.” She winked at Barbara, glad to play along.

“Actually, I’m involved with someone already. I don’t think it’d work out between us, anyway,” he said to Lisa, desperately. And to forestall more comments from Barbara, who was about to reply, he added “His name’s Jeff.”

After a frozen moment, the older lady let out a heavy sigh. “Such a shame. The good ones are always taken.” And to Lisa, “Don’t worry dear, there’s someone out there for everybody. You just keep on looking.” With that she returned to the bulk tea jars a few feet away.

Barbara shrugged at him with a wry smile and retreated herself. Lisa still didn’t look out from between her hands, but said in a loud voice “I’m sorry about that. Some people seem to … well,” she shook her head and glared at Barbara, “they’re just idiots,” she concluded.

Both Barbara and the lady smiled to themselves. The UPS guy dismissed it with a shrug. “My roommate was constantly trying to set me up with dates. But then he got married himself. Now he wishes he hadn’t. I’m in no hurry,” he concluded. And his look said, you shouldn’t be either. Lisa shyly thanked him with a smile.

He waved as he left, letting the little bells on the door tinkle flatly. Barbara prepared for battle, but Lisa merely glared at her one more time before going to scrounge around for a box cutter. Her friend let it drop to, and went over to thank the old lady for her help.

“Oh, I’m happy to,” she said. “None of my grandkids have their heads on straight, either. Isn’t it such a tragedy? Young people these days,” she clucked.

Lisa ignored them both. The box from Guatemala contained a paper sack full of unroasted coffee beans, and a Xeroxed invoice, in Spanish, with the total weight in grams, and the cost in quetzales. She busied herself for a moment, weighing and converting and calculating, before noting it all on the paper and dumping the beans into a sealed jar. She’d set up the roaster in a little while.

“I am sorry, dear,” the old woman said as she came up to the counter. “I was just teasing, you know.” She had picked out a box of Oolong tea bags and a button that proclaimed “Instant Human, Just Add Coffee”.

Lisa nodded, forgiving, but changed the subject. “Do you have a favorite brand,” she asked, holding up the tea bags. “I had to guess, getting the initial batch in, but I tried to get good ones.” She rang up the items on her brand-new cash register.

“Mmmm. The only thing I can think of, there’s a tea house I visited one time in London, that had the most wonderful tea I’ve ever had. What was the name … ?“ she trailed off for a moment. “Well, I have it written down at home. I’ll make sure to dig it out for you, dear. If you can get that, oh my, I’ll buy oodles, gifts for friends, you know.” She counted out exact change from a coin purse.

Lisa bagged the items in a pretty little burgundy plastic bag that she had taken great pains to pick out at the supply store. “I’ll try,” she smiled. “Have a good day.”

The lady responded with “You too, dear,” as she departed with purse and bag in hand, checking her scarf as she left. Barbara snuck back up to the counter.

“You okay?” She sounded a bit contrite. “Sorry about that.” Lisa sighed heavily.

“It wouldn’t be so bad it if my life, my love life, weren’t so pathetic. You just hit a nerve. I’ve done all these changes, gotten my life going in a completely new direction, but inside I’m still so …” She sighed again, it was a familiar subject.

“Just give me a little time, okay? This isn’t the day. I’m still mad at that idiot this morning, and I’m trying to make a good first impression for the customers.” She shook out her hair, smoothing back the black bangs from her eyes, and dropping the subject again.

“So, can you go for food? I need something in my stomach besides caffeine.” Barbara had agreed to fetch lunch a couple times a week, if Lisa paid for it.

“Sure. What’re you in the mood for,” she asked, betting on burgers. A safe bet, but not this time.

“Bland. You’ve upset my digestion. Can you go get me chicken soup and a BLT from Annies?” Being Santa Fe, it was a gourmet soup, at gourmet prices, but they were used to that.

“Gotcha,” she said. “I’ll be right back.” And she left quickly, happy to make up for the situation earlier.

Lisa was glad to be left alone with her thoughts. In her final letter, Gram had posed her a question; What is your darkness? Gram had explained her own, a bitterness caused by not following her own heart. But Lisa didn’t have an easy answer. She could feel darkness inside her, but she couldn’t give it a name. And that was the hardest part of it. Lisa had spent hours and hours pondering, and the most she could come up with was a kind of fear of failure. But that was just the tip of the iceberg, she was sure. And it worried her. The question resurfaced constantly in her mind.

But getting this far did have one effect: she finally admitted to herself that she was dysfunctional as a girlfriend. She could count her few ex-boyfriends on one hand. Every time it had ended badly. She knew that part of her life would take some major work, before she was ready to inflict herself on another. And, she told herself again, this wasn’t the right time for it.

Gram had posed another question: What do you want? It was another pondernaut. She could list a hundred things, yet none of them seemed to matter much. Little things like losing weight or getting a new car seemed petty. Huge things like peace on earth or feeding starving children were too big. There seemed to be nothing in between. Yet she knew she was unfulfilled. Without knowing what she wanted, she wanted very badly.

Looking around, Lisa had observed certain people defining themselves by their careers. Starting with that, such thoughts had eventually led her here to her brand-new coffee place. She still wasn’t sure she was cut out for business, but she had to give it a shot. Gram had sold the little import business she had built up over the years, to live in comfortable retirement. Lisa couldn’t even imagine that far ahead.

Two more shoppers stopped by to see what the store was about. One bought a mug with the slogan “A day without coffee is like a bed without a pillow”. Then a guy came in, she’d seen him around here before.

“Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood. I’m Justin, I work a few doors down at the ski place.” He shook her hand firmly. “God, this place spells good,” he said, inhaling deeply. Lisa smiled; she had just put a new pot on for exactly that effect, the aroma.

“I’m Lisa,” she introduced herself. “How are you, today?” Justin was thin and athletic, a bit unkempt with jeans and wind-blown hair. A couple years younger than her. She judged him a snowboarder.

“Great! All we’ve had around here is the Mexican place,” he nodded out the window. “Great for iced tea, but their coffee’ll strip paint off the walls.” He looked around, taking it all in. “I’ll have a large of whatever I’m smelling, and my boss told me to see what kind of herbal teas you have. She’s a health nut,” he explained, peering at the shelf with the chocolates. “Eats yogurt and cottage cheese for lunch. Sprinkles wheat germ on top.” He made an icky face, and Lisa couldn’t help but grin. She poured a cup of the fresh stuff, and set it near the cream and sugar tray.

“Some people like that stuff,” she said diplomatically. For awhile in college, she’d experimented with a dish known as a ‘dieter’s banana split’ – cottage cheese, a banana, wheat germ, and a bit of orange juice as a syrup. It had grown old very quickly.

“I’d rather eat what I want and exercise it away,” he said, coming back to stir in several packets of sugar. “So, do you ski?”

“Not really,” she replied. “I’m not aerodynamic enough.” She held out her arms, indicating her ample frame. And I know I’ll break my leg, she thought.

He scoffed. “Skiing is for everybody. If you don’t like downhill, try cross-country. Better than jogging, and a hundred times more fun.” He blew on his coffee to cool it down, and looked expectantly at her.

“I’ve never tried that,” she admitted. “I’ve only been on skis once, back in high school.” He noticed the lack of enthusiasm in her voice.

“It’s different,” he assured her. “You’ve got wider skis, to start with. Uses a completely different set of muscles. If you can walk, you can do cross-country.” He gestured out the window again, indicating the gray clouds. “Season’s not too far off now. I’d be happy to show you how it’s done.” Barbara chose this moment to return, tray of liquids in one hand, plastic bag of take-out in the other, nudging the door open with her hip. Her smirk told Lisa that she caught that last suggestion, but mercifully she didn’t pursue it.

“Lunch is up,” she said for Justin’s benefit, holding up the bag. “There was a line, so I’m going to have to take mine and run.” She smiled at the customer. “The cheesecake is mine,” she added, as Lisa sorted out the meals.